Turn Your Pain Into Beauty: How To Rise When Life, Loss, And War Test YouMaryam Pazhang Med BCBA RBA |
HOLDING PAIN AND HOPELet me speak to you gently for a moment. If you are listening to this while your heart feels heavy… You are not alone. You may be sitting in a safe place, in a different country, with warmth, food, and internet access, yet your mind is somewhere else. On the streets you grew up on. With the people you love. With memories that carry pain. This silent grief is carried by millions of people around the world. And today I want you to hear this clearly: WHAT PAIN DOES TO YOUR BRAINWhen trauma happens, whether personal or collective, the brain enters emergency mode. Think about a moment when you were suddenly scared, such as when a car almost hit you. Your heart raced. Your breathing changed. Your muscles tightened. This is your nervous system protecting you. Now imagine that state lasting weeks or months. That is what chronic emotional stress feels like in the brain. When your country is in war, your brain stays alert. You constantly scan news, wait for messages from family, and brace for bad information. The amygdala remains activated, releasing stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. This is why people experiencing prolonged stress often feel irritable, emotionally numb, exhausted, or disconnected. Your brain is not broken. It is trying to keep you alive. But survival mode is not meant to be permanent. NEUROPLASTICITY: YOU ARE NOT STUCKOne of the most powerful discoveries in neuroscience is that the brain can change. This is called neuroplasticity. When you learn to drive, the brain creates new pathways. When you practice emotional regulation, the same thing happens. Each time you choose to pause instead of panic, breathe instead of react, or reflect instead of avoid, you are strengthening new neural connections. Healing is not about erasing pain. It is about building stronger systems around it. You are not stuck in who you were during your hardest moments. Your brain is constantly updating based on what you practice. WHEN YOUR COUNTRY IS IN WARThere is a special kind of pain that comes when your homeland is suffering. You wake up and check the news before checking your messages. You carry fear for people you love. You function in daily life while emotionally living in another place. This is known as collective trauma. Many people in this situation experience survivor guilt, emotional exhaustion, difficulty sleeping, identity confusion, and a feeling of being disconnected from both their old home and their new environment. Let this be said clearly: Your ability to remain stable, grounded, and emotionally healthy becomes a form of strength and hope. Reflection PausePlace your hand on your chest and notice your breath. Say quietly to yourself: These small moments of regulation teach your nervous system that rest is possible. FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE (32:00–42:00)Many people who experience deep hardship develop greater emotional awareness and compassion. Some become helpers, educators, leaders, or advocates. Others raise children with emotional intelligence or build communities that support healing. Pain itself does not create growth. Meaning does. When you ask yourself what this experience is shaping in you, you shift from surviving to becoming. Purpose activates motivation circuits in the brain and gives suffering direction. Without purpose, pain often turns into bitterness. With purpose, pain can become strength. REGULATING YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM DAILYHealing begins in the body. Simple daily practices can significantly calm the nervous system: Slow breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Your nervous system does not need perfection. It needs consistency. Small daily habits build long-term emotional stability. REWRITING YOUR INNER VOICE Many people carry pain twice. Once from life events, and again from harsh self-talk. When you repeat thoughts such as “I am weak” or “I should be over this,” your brain strengthens those emotional pathways. When you replace them with “I am healing,” “I am learning,” and “I am allowed to grow,” you build new emotional networks. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love. CLOSING — YOU ARE STILL RISINGEven in war, life continues to grow. You are not behind in life. You are not broken. Thank you for spending this time with me. Wherever you are listening from, your story matters. And your rise is still unfolding. (Music fades out) REFERENCES (APA 7th Edition)Davidson, R. J., & McEwen, B. S. (2012). Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being. Nature Neuroscience, 15(5), 689–695. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.3093 Doidge, N. (2007). The brain that changes itself: Stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science. Viking Press. Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books. Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company. Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01 |